Moose Out Front Shoulda Told Ya.

Yesterday, we had our own real life WallyWorld incident. Matty and I had been planning to take the kids to Canobie Lake Park, where they had the time of their lives last summer. Unfortunately, we are horrible planners and it turns out Tuesday was the last summer weekday the park was open. We thought we were total heroes when we discovered, Quassy Park, the apparent Canobie Lake of Connecticut.

So, Matty took the day off of work, we drove two and a half hours to Connecticut, and then we paid for all day fun passes to Quassy Park.

The world was our oyster! We were so excited.

Look at these faces!
And this one!
We love it already!

It was a little drizzly/overcast, but we had already called and confirmed they’d still be open in the rain, so we didn’t have a care in the world.

Even when this giant snake tried to eat George!

Then, we went to grab some lunch in the Quassy restaurant. While waiting in the incredibly long line, Hazy came over and told me she overheard some parents telling their kids that the rides were all closing. I told her that’s probably just something some parents are saying because they want to leave, because obviously, Quassy wasn’t going to charge us for all day fun passes plus parking, tell us they stay open in the rain, and then close due to rain. Especially when the rain had stopped and the sun was starting to peek out from behind the clouds.

Because only complete jerks would do that.

Only complete jerks who wanted to incur the wrath of an extremely successful blogger with tens (dozens?) of readers who will now throw so much shade at them, they will now truly know the meaning of “inclement weather.”

If you haven’t figured it out, these complete jerks closed the park. Less than an hour after we got there. We’d gone on two rides (one if you’re George) and climbed on some plaster animals. Hazy had even rung the GREAT DAY bell, which the kids insisted on ringing as we were leaving, while I yelled, “don’t ring that bell! Don’t give them that satisfaction!”


Ironic bell ringing, I assure you

It was sunny and hot out when we left the park, with our free passes in hand for next season. They did not refund our parking or the two and a half hours of my life I spent listening to “Fight Song” and “I’m a Gummy Bear” on the car ride down though, and that left almost as bad a taste in my mouth as the “grilled” “chicken” they served in the Quassy restaurant. #BURN

I’ll be sending this along with my strongly worded letter of complaint.

But like Jake and the Neverland Pirates (oh god, I hate myself), we never say never. So, we packed up and took the kids to a pretty little beach we’d noticed across the lake from Quassy. Unfortunately, the pretty little beach ended up being member’s only, and Matty left his jacket at home. So we went to plan D (remember, Quassy was already plan B): Dave & Buster’s. Turns out we could’ve just taken them there, because they were pleased as punch.

Quassy, schmassy

Dave & Buster’s has something for everyone: beer, motorcycles, Fruit Ninja, Ghostbusters. Tell me you don’t like at least one of those things.

Also, there’s nothing my kids like more than using points-won-playing-video-games to buy tchotchkes. If you offered them a thousand dollars or one hundred Dave & Buster’s points, I’m pretty sure they’d take the points and then buy one junky plastic toy, one junky plastic accessory, and however much candy the remaining points would allow.

You only have to play about $40 worth of Fruit Ninja to “win” this bow!

So, the day might not have gone as planned, but the important thing is that we got some family time, and took our requisite face-in-hole photos.


That doesn’t mean you’re off the hook, Quassy. Scuba Diver Hazy is not impressed with your customer service and NEITHER AM I.

4 thoughts on “Moose Out Front Shoulda Told Ya.”

  1. Hysterical. And maddening. WTF, who names an amusement park Quassy anyway? Sounds like queasy. Dave & Busters is Jay’s holy grail and face in hole photos is Lanie’s. #dreamday


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s