I have this idea for a reality show called Redemption Cove. Redemption Cove would be an actual place (probably near the Bachelor in Paradise mansion in Mexico) where celebrities in the midst of PR scandals (like DeMario from the Bachelorette, Rob Kardashian, Shia Lebeouf) would live . Each week, they compete on redeeming themselves through charitable acts (building homes for the poor, teaching kids to read, etc) and each week America votes on who has redeemed themselves the most and earned another week in Redemption Cove. The last man/woman standing gets $500,000 donated to the charity of their choice. America loves a scandal and America loves a comeback story. Let’s remember whose idea this was when it gets picked up next season.
Wednesday was pretty rough, but yesterday, Hazy and George went to Redemption Cove. We put on our matching Malcontent shirts and head scarves (don’t ask, Hazy’s idea) and went shopping for materials for Year 3 of our Backpacks for the Homeless program.
We went to Savers to buy backpacks and sweatshirts and we happened to find these glasses. We thought we’d take this opportunity to haunt your dreams. You’re welcome.
Then we hit Dollar Tree to buy the stuff to put inside the backpacks. We did toothbrushes, toothpaste, razors, shampoo, brushes (for the ladies), hand sanitizer, deodorant, first aid kits, chapstick, granola bars, fruit & grain bars, and those so-gross-they’re-good cheese cracker sandwiches. The first year we did 3 backpacks, last year we did 4 tote bags, but Hazy felt bad that we passed more homeless people after handing out all of our bags, so this year we decided to step it up to 8 bags. We wanted to do backpacks, but you try finding 8 non-embarrassing backpacks at Savers.
By this point, the kids were hangry (Hazy actually used the term “hangry”), so I made the mistake of letting them select their own dollar store snacks. Hazy had peanut butter-cracker sandwiches and George got a giant bag of cheese balls and executed Project Maximum Messiness: Hands Edition.
Before we even had time to assemble our bags, we rushed off to lunch with our friend Alistair. Don’t tell the other homeless people, but we gave him the coolest bag with the best sweatshirt, because he’s our favorite.
Then we went back to our Harvard Square base, my old agency PJA (thank you for being awesome, PJA friends) to assemble our bags, with a quick break to take the Vend-a-friend quiz and find out which friend groups we fit into. George was a Snuggler (no surprise) and Hazy was a Hooligan. Wearing her Malcontent shirt and tucking her candy cigs into her back pocket, the shoe seemed to fit.
We set up our assembly line right outside the main conference room, which was obviously brilliant planning by me. Nothing like yelling, “Use your inside voice, George!” repeatedly to keep a low profile. Luckily, our friend Hugh was one of the people in the conference room, and his only retribution was photo-bombing us.
Hazy donated one of her old backpacks to the cause, but worried that no one would want it because it had her name in it. So she wrote “says take care” under her name. How cute is that? Each bag also got a card with a nice note signed by Hazy and George.
After we had assembled 8 awesome bags, we each carried as many as we could (Hazy – 3, Me – 4, George – 1), hit the streets and … put them back in the car because we had taken too long at lunch/Vend-a-Friend/candy eating and didn’t have time to actually hand them out before we had to hit the road to Plymouth.
So you’ll have to tune in at a later date for the thrilling conclusion of…