But I think my favorite part was just being a team with Hazy and Georgie and really getting to know the people they are at ages eight and five. The thing about these “one summer(s) at home” is that for 3/4 of the year I’m a working mom and for this 1/4, I’m a stay-at-home one. And I hate to admit it, but I gain a much deeper bond with my kids during my time at home. We have our soundtrack (it includes Carly Rae Jepsen and lots of John Williams), our inside jokes (we always sing-yell, “That’s how she feels!” instead of “I love cheap thrills!” because that’s how George sings it), and our routines down pat (coerce George to put on pants, pack beach bag, sunscreen everything in sight). And while they definitely did more than their fair share of whining (what’s a fair share, btw, one minute per kid?), they also made me laugh, helped me feel like a kid, and made me feel incredibly loved every day. They treat me like a rock star and so I feel like one around them, and I am eternally grateful that I have this time with them.
Here’s how the no napping thing is going.
This is my “and then the wheels came off” face.
Here’s how we felt about me giving the “you owe me a dollar for every breakable thing you touch in this store” speech again.
These poor kids can’t eat a GD popsicle without me making them take a selfie. Whatever, guess who buys them those popsicles?
Let’s touch the LEGO giraffe’s LEGO groin!
I mean, what team’s better than this one?
For George’s kindergarten class, his teacher had us fill out a family info form. One question was, “What’s something you want us to know about your child?”. The day after I turned it in, she asked me, “Where you the one who said you would legit hang out with your kid if he wasn’t your son?” Hell yeah I was. He’s hilarious and fun. Same goes for Hazy. She’s the Edina to my Patsy, I’d go insane without her. I miss our time together already, turds, and I’ll cherish it forever.
Going through One Summer At Home withdrawal? Try the Designer Impostors version. If you liked One Summer At Home, you’ll like Letters Lists. And if you don’t, well, I’ll probably write a letter to you.
As per usual, Cinderella (the band, not the princess) had it right. It was just last Wednesday that we had our last summer Wednesday at Oma and Opa’s. It happened to be a rainy day and past Labor Day, so we didn’t go to the pool (or wear white). I told my mom we’d have to come up with a Plan B and she reminded me about her brilliant parenting philosophy, “you don’t always have to do something.” [Editor’s note: that could also be a great Cinderella song.] So we just hung out, and you know what? It was great.
The kids played Hors-opoly with Oma. (It’s dumb. You try learning to say “Go to stable. Do not pass Giddy Up” instead of “Go to jail. Do not pass Go.” without sounding like an idiot.)
They also enhanced the enjoyment of Hors-opoly with their new discovery: arm farts.
We completed this puzzle:
Rosie and Teddy established a truce (i.e. she stopped bullying him for a short time).
We had one more epic dinner by Opa: wontons and bok choy. Even though I use my dad’s exact same recipe when I make wontons, they’re never as good.
Not to be outdone, Oma made her famous Peach Roll, which is very much like her famous Strawberry Roll, except you can probably figure out the difference.
It appears George has inherited his father’s flatulence problem. The emissions are frequent and smelly, enough that Oma had to institute a “No Farting At The Dinner Table” rule. So, George would frequently say, “Excuse me” and then we’d hear a big fart and an “Ahhhh” from the bathroom down the hall.
I know I say this every “one summer at home,” but we are so fortunate to have Oma and Opa in our lives. I love that my kids have inside jokes with them, that we have lame games that we only play at their house, and that they’re stricter about certain things than I am. And I love love love all the incredible food we were spoiled with every week. I’m definitely gonna miss our weekly time together, but there’s always the weekends…
I’ll leave you with these words from Cinderella:
I count the falling tears They fall before my eyes Seems like a thousand years Since we broke the ties
Also, I’m sorry that Rosie peed on your rug (again), mom.
You know, kind of like the last supper, but without everyone sitting on one side and no Judas, that we know of. Since this past Tuesday was our last one before both kids are in school, I tried to make it extra fun. And what’s more fun than whine-walking a mile to the pet store? Unfortunately, we got there about 45 minutes before they opened, which Rosie did not understand.
Thankfully, JP is a treasure trove of playgrounds, and there was one nearby that we’d miraculously never been to. Hazy and George killed the time working on their American Ninja Warrior training and having a dance fight.
But come on, it was the Last Tuesday. You didn’t think we were just gonna run errands, did you? You may recall that last month when the kids got a Legoland game-ending whining penalty. (I may or may not be writing this wile watching the Patriots game.) Well, the Last Tuesday was their redo and THEY. WERE. PSYCHED.
We’ve been to LegoLand a few times now, including one time where we almost broke George and another time where we definitely broke him. We know how to shoot the spiders on the ride, where to find the hidden Cheers window, when to shout “LEGO!” on the factory tour, and how to beat the Ninjago lasers (at least on “novice”). And I’m proud to say that we made it through all of LegoLand without breaking George.*
My favorite ride at LegoLand is the play structure, because I get to sit on a bench and do nothing while the kids entertain themselves. Just kidding, it’s the ride where you get to shoot spiders with laser guns because I hate spiders and I’m awesome at shooting them with laser guns.
We spent a lot of time, as we always do, making our model cars. I love watching Hazy tinker with her car. I’m not sure why they looked completely miz during the actual time trials, except maybe because my car smoked theirs! Guess my 35+ years of additional life experience finally paid off, turds.
Of course, you can’t go to LegoLand without seeing a 4D movie. Ours was about a farting skunk, an idiot bird, and a battle between an evil gator and a heroic lion for a powerful chi energy ball. I’m serious. I’ve gotta get a job writing 4D movie scripts for LegoLand.
This might have been our best trip to LegoLand yet. Yeah, Last Tuesday!
We got back just in time to have :30 for Hazy to change into her soccer clothes, me to grab a snack and Rosie, and George to find a way to make us late. I grabbed some Seriously Sharp cheddar (Hazy’s fav) and some Ritz, and Hazy ate them on the way to soccer while walking the dog.
On the way to soccer, I gave Hazy a lecture about actually playing soccer this season, and not just chatting with her friends. The funny thing is, most of her soccer friends are the daughters of my bootcamp friends, and we’re always getting in trouble at bootcamp for talking too much.
Oh well. Aren’t team sports mostly about learning teamwork, communication skills, and the latest gossip?
Coming up next: what we did on our last day before school. Hint: not much.
*Unfortunately, on the walk to the car, George broke himself. He walked right into a pole. He wasn’t even looking at his (non-existent) cell phone! He got a big bloody gash on his forehead, and we had to stop by Outback Steakhouse to get a bag of ice. Thanks, Outback Steakhouse bartender! And although this is George’s 3rd (4th?) head injury this year, I assure you he’s still a genius. He figured out how to play the Imperial Death March on recorder this morning. I tried to get it on video, but he refused, saying, “then you’ll show it to everyone.” He’s right.
I wish I was talking about Ryan Gosling’s feelings for me, but I mean summer. Even though the rest of the country is back in school, we’re still. on. vacation. Last week, we headed to beautiful Lake Winnepesauke for a good old-fashioned family vacation. We stayed at the Naswa resort, which Matty and I refer to as having “just the right amount of cheese.”
We did all the usual vacation stuff: ice cream, lake fun, mini golf, foofy drinks, and of course, settling all of our differences via inflatable log boppers.
Wait, what was that last thing? Ah yes, the inflatable log boppers. If possible, we’d settle all disagreements year-round with the inflatable log boppers. You know how sometimes you wish you could just hit your partner upside the head? Well, now you can! With inflatable log boppers! Here’s Matty totally cheating and “winning” our battle. Don’t worry, I got a few good bops in.
Photos by Hazy
Score settling via inflatable log boppers is not limited to grown ups:
It’s pretty much appropriate for all age combinations. For example, here’s Hazy destroying Matty:
When we weren’t celebrating bizzarro Festivus (airing of grievances via log boppers), we also hit the local arcades. Hazy and I are obsessed with this game called Harpoon Lagoon, where we figured out how to team up to shoot the shark and get a ton of tickets. I may have just lost two minutes of my life watching a video on how to catch the jellyfish in Harpoon Lagoon, and I didn’t even know the jellyfish existed. Clearly, we need to go to arcades more often. We also whacked some moles and Matty schooled some small children at bumper cars.
Oh, and we had our family portrait painted by Rembrandt. Yes, the Rembrandt.
But wait, there’s more. We also jam-packed this vacation with dueling puzzles (Rosie, that traitor, joined the kids’ team), the kids’ first viewing of Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (the old, good one), one “king-size” lobster roll, and bumper boats, where we ran into friends from JP. Sorry/not sorry that I annihilated you, Lucas. I wasn’t about to go easy on you just because you’re only 8 years old.
At mini golf, both Matty and George got holes-in-one, but only one of them insisted on doffing his hat and waving to the “crowd.”
It wouldn’t be a Lake Winnepesauke vacation without a boat ride, and the Naswa offers a free lake tour with Captain Dennis.
Captain Dennis was nice enough to let both kids drive the boat. It was all smooth sailing until a pirate took the wheel.
Despite things looking pretty dark for a few minutes, we made it safely back to the resort. And not to worry, there were positive pirate encounters (it’s a thing!) as well.
You know how sometimes your kids will make a new friend and then you’re pleasantly surprised when the kid’s parent is also cool? Well, that happened, except in this case, Matty was the kid. No one was playing football with him, so he randomly threw the football to another guy in the water. Turns out that guy, Chris, had a sweet daughter, Lola, who was a little older than Hazy. Both kids ended up loving Lola, George even asking her if she’d be his best friend. She magnanimously told him he could be “one of them.”
Hey, aren’t ducks such a fun and cute part of a lake vacation? Imagine fire shooting out of my laser eyes when I say NO, THEY’RE NOT.
We learned the hard way about something called Swimmer’s Itch or “Duck Mites.” It’s a short-term immune reaction to parasites carried by ducks. We thought they were some sort of horrible bug bite, but when Matty, Hazy and George had literally dozens of them on their legs, but had never noticed being bit by anything, we eventually figured it out. Also, I’m usually a mosquito magnet and I didn’t have any “bites,” so we knew something was fishy. George ended up literally screaming in pain in the middle of a CVS because the bumps were so itchy and painful. Sorry, people of CVS and poor Matty who had to endure a bunch of dirty looks. For future reference, if you’re swimming in a lake with ducks, wear lots of sunscreen, towel off immediately after swimming, shower after swimming, and wash your swimsuits well. It turns out that my anal-retentive sunscreen applying and wimpiness about going in the water for very long saved me in the end.
Despite the duck mites (ew) and George’s flatulence problem (he gets it from his father), a great time was had by all, even Rosie, and this black bear we adopted.
At the end of our vacation, keeping with the “just the right amount of cheese” theme, we went to Canobie Lake Park, the amusement park Matty and I both went to growing up. A lot of the rides are the same ones we went on as kids too, like the Caterpillar, the Yankee Cannonball roller coaster, and our favorite, the Log Flume. Last time we went, George was too scared to go on the Log Flume, but this time we all went on together, and it was pure happiness. We didn’t pony up the $16 for our photograph, but it was pretty classic, with Matty and George hiding behind me and Hazy respectively like a couple of wussies. The O’Rourke girls are pioneerswoman and we’re not afraid to get a little water splashed on us.
The kids are both big enough to drive the antique cars, which either makes you feel alarmed or like you’re in a Grey Poupon commercial, depending on the type of person you are.
The kids got ice cream and guess what I got? Hint: that’s not cocaine.
Other exciting things that happened include: George not running away from this giant wave, Matty winning me this Care Bear, and Hazy getting her fortune from Pappy. (Let’s hope she didn’t wish to be big.)
As you may know, I’ve been training Hazy and George in Photo Acting 101 and Photo Jumping For Beginners for years now, but it looks like they need a little more schooling. I mean, is George even trying?
Aside from the Swimmer’s Itch, it was a fantastic vacation and the best way to spend the week before Hazy goes back to school (tomorrow, gulp) and George starts K2 (i.e. real kindergarten) next Monday.
The third One Summer At Home is about to wrap up. Single tear.